angst & perpetual bliss

Wow. What to say here?

Today we reached 119 envelopes & packages that have showed up from PINK ARTISTS all over the globe. Just amazing! Several of you I have been in discussions with over the emotions involved here... it has been asked what i'm feeling? what I'm going through? how do i stay conscience with all of this under my roof?

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Simply put...

all I can really say here is YOU did this. I initiated an idea, you followed through. This doll will erupt as 100% created by YOU. !!!

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I recently met a local artist named Patty Wing who lives just down the block and has met me at Hobby Lobby last week to give me her squares. I believe she can vouch for me that I literally shook as I peeked inside her envelope to discover her contributions. I felt quite embarrassed to NOT be able to control my hands as they appeared to look strung out on caffeine but in reality were shaking because of the passion I feel towards my involvement with this project.

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I've had to correct some of you when I read, "Monica's project" posted to your blogs... no, really this is OUR project, 100%.

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Soon, I will share with you the dedications that have been included with the packages of squares- raw emotion, angst, pure beauty & commitment towards finding a CURE for breast cancer are the reasons for contributing. One Pink artist shared this sentiment, "there is a cure, it is called a mammogram," she sees the fight everyday as a Mammographer & Artist. My thoughts are that I REALLY need to schedule my appointment and so do you! We owe it to ourselves, to our moms, to our sisters, to our brothers, husbands, friends & children.

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Every package arriving with squares has included a thank you card in whatever form- a card, gift, note, art, donations of trinkets, collage sheets, beaded objects donated to our doll. Truly, YOU know I'm humbled by your participation, your friendship, your gratitude for doing THIS, but let me say here...

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WARNING: i'm exposing my heart here 100%:

I'm angry. I'm proud. I'm happy to do this for YOU but most importantly I'm doing this for the same reason you are... because I know someone affected by breast cancer. My Aunt (breath deeply) battled this cancer last year. Not only was she subjected to FIGHT she also was (breath Monica, breath) fighting breast cancer while watching my Uncle, her husband battle colon cancer (wiping tears).

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My Uncle passed away. His students from ASU gathered to CELEBRATE his life. Lives were touched by the beauty of his teachings. Love gathered to pay its respects to my Uncle, much in the same way as I am now. I miss him, I love him. As much as I am doing this project for my Uncle I am equally doing this for my Aunt. Aunt Dee, if you are reading this, please know I'm lucky to know you, I'm fortunate to be blessed with my father, your brother as family. I adore you. Whenever I think of you I think of the picture where you are wearing your summer hat, floppy and colorful... with the biggest smile on your face and ALIVE in Arizona helping to raise grandkids, touching lives still as a retired teacher & mother. I love you! Please know this doll is being constructed because of you! because of your strength and belief in God, because of your passon for life (I'm shaking here)!

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Equally, this doll & wall art piece is/will be constructed on behalf of ALL of the pink artists involved, for whatever reason- angst, passion, happiness, betrayal, love, humor, beauty, and involvement with breast cancer... because you MISS, love and console your loved one as I do my uncle & aunt. I'm blessed my aunt is a breast cancer survivor. Know your square is counted! Thank YOU for joining in!

Tomorrow is my 14th wedding anniversary to the love of my life, Jeff...

last meal I had in San Antonio, TX with my Aunt & Uncle I remember my Uncle

saying to Jeff, "I'm proud of you, son."

My uncle, you are missed.